


SVU's Secret Santa

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christmas, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gift Exchange, M/M, Pining, Sappy, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 07:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17039816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Olivia's idea to bring the Christmas spirit into the squad is to host a Secret Santa. Somehow, Rafael found himself involved in it and with Sonny's name written on the paper in his hand.





	SVU's Secret Santa

**Author's Note:**

> Well all my summaries suck but here we are, a little bit of Christmas fluff. This was harder than I thought it would be, but I hope you like it.
> 
> Safe reminder that English is not my first language, and this is completely unbetaed, but I try my best. Enjoy!

He only said yes because it was Olivia’s idea. She had told him she was trying to lift morale around the precinct. For some reason, she thought suggesting a secret santa would be the way to go. 

So that was why Rafael was sitting on the couch in her office when he should be on his way home. 

They were waiting for Rollins and Carisi to come back from checking on their victim so they could draw out their secret santas. 

Olivia was sitting at her desk, writing everyone’s names on pieces of paper, while Fin and Dodds waited just outside her office for the other Detectives. She had a look of deep concentration on her face as she neatly folded each paper into itself countless times. 

“You do realize this is pointless, right?,” he scoffed, because it really was pointless. They were grown people, not eager to socialize high schoolers.  “You are all Detectives. There’s no point in trying to keep it a secret.”

“Are you upset because you have a disadvantage?,” she teased, smirking. 

Rafael gave her a long look. “I wouldn’t call it a disadvantage. If I can read a jury, I can read Carisi’s face when he sees the name on that paper.” 

“Oh, is that what you’re worried about?,” Olivia chuckled, giving him a knowing look. “That he’ll draw your name and look disappointed?”

“We both know he wouldn’t look disappointed,” he narrowed his eyes. 

“So you’re afraid he’ll give you his puppy dog eyes, then? More than usual.”

“Liv, what is your plan here?,” he rolled his eyes, dusting off an invisible speck of dust on his pants. 

“I told you, Rafa. I just want to spread a little bit of the Christmas spirit around the squad,” she smiled softly. “We need it.”

“You can say that again,” he smirked.

“And who knows,” she shrugged casually, but shot him a look that said all he needed to hear. “Maybe this could be your chance.”

“Don’t,” Rafael pointed a long finger at her.

“It’s Christmas, Rafa. The most wonderful time of the year,” Olivia said wistfully, her smile growing. “Let yourself go for once. You deserve to be happy.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Olivia Benson?,” he joked. “I cannot believe you’re telling me to let myself go. Have you met me?”

She laughed. “I have. My point precisely.” 

“If you continue with that line of questioning I will leave this precinct,” Rafael wouldn’t, but he needed to establish some ground. 

“The prosecution rests,” Olivia chuckled, putting her hands up in surrender.

“Prosecution?,” Rafael scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

“Sorry we’re late,” Rollins said as she walked into the office without knocking, Carisi trailing right behind her. “But we’d probably be later if Carisi hadn’t broken at least a dozen traffic laws rushing back.” 

“I didn’t,” Carisi waved her off, pulling a face. “I’m just excited, okay?”

“Yeah, aren’t you always?,” Rollins rolled her eyes. 

“Hey, Counselor,” Carisi greeted, ignoring Rollins’ provocation. Rafael almost smiled at that. “You here for the secret santa, too?,” and  _ God _ , he didn’t even try not to sound hopeful. At that, Rafael did smile a little. 

“Your Lieutenant somehow convinced me to participate,” he shrugged nonchalantly. 

“That’s good,” he nodded, smiling. “I mean. It’s Christmas, so. We should all celebrate it together.” 

“Thank you, Carisi,” Olivia said as Dodds and Fin joined the group. 

“I just want to say it now,” Fin started. “Whoever draws me, I don’t want no piece of clothing. I want video games or a nice bottle of Whiskey.”

“I think we’ll get a chance to drop hints later, Fin,” Rollins joked.

“No hints,” he dismissed her. “Video games. Bottle of Whiskey. It’s plain and simple.”

“Got it,” Rollins tapped him on the shoulder, snickering. 

“Okay, everyone’s names are in this bowl,” Olivia said, standing up with said bowl in hand and rounding her desk to stand in the middle of the room. “So go ahead.”

Rafael stood up as the Detectives and Sergeant Dodds approached the bowl gingerly. There were only two pieces of paper when he got to it. He took one, Olivia the other. 

He made sure to keep his expression neutral as he unfolded the paper. He didn’t want to make it too obvious for the detectives around him. It was, however, hard to hold back the relieved sigh when he saw Olivia’s name written in her own handwriting. This wasn’t going to be a complete disaster for him, after all. 

But then, much to his dismay, Rollins grimaced and said, “I drew my own name.”

That went straight to his list of things he didn’t like about Detective Rollins. He looked around quickly and noticed that everybody looked at least a little bit annoyed, but Carisi looked absolutely livid. 

“Okay, so everybody refold your papers, forget about it and throw it back in the bowl,” Olivia said, sounding a little disappointed. 

With groans and sighs, everyone did as they were told. 

Once all the slices of paper were back into her hands, Olivia gave the bowl a good mix before reaching inside herself first. “Go ahead.”

Rafael braced himself for the disaster that was about to befall him. Maybe if he drew Rollins he could get her a self-help book on manners. Fin would be easy, clearly. And -

The paper in his hand read “Sonny”. He didn’t know whether he was more surprised at Olivia’s choice to write the Detective’s nickname or at the fact that he was excited because he drew Carisi.

But nevertheless, he schooled his expression into a neutral one and looked up. 

Fin and Dodds didn’t look at all fazed. Dodds pocketed his little paper and crossed his arms over his chest. Fin folded his back into itself and started watching everyone around him closely. Amanda had a little smirk pulling at the corner of her lips, but she kept her eyes on the ground. 

To his surprise, Olivia looked a little smug. He expected her to try to keep the air of mystery. She held the little paper with the tip of her fingers as she watched her Detectives. And Carisi still looked a little annoyed, but he slowly traced the tip of his thumb over the name. 

Rafael filed all that information for later. He was sure that between that night and the night they were supposed to exchange gifts, more clues would surface and he would be able to tell who drew who. Especially who drew him.

Olivia was right. This was fun. 

“Are we good?,” Olivia asked. “No one else drew their own name this time?” 

The Detectives and the Sergeant shook their heads. 

“Okay, good,” she smiled. “You’re all free to start dropping hints any time you want now. Go home, everyone. Good night.”

Rollins closed in on Fin fast, and he knew she wanted to know whose name he drew. Rafael rolled his eyes as they all left Olivia’s office in conversation. 

“See?,” Olivia smiled at him. “It’s fun.”

“Well, I drew you the first time. That would have been easy,” he huffed.

She laughed. “I drew Dodds the first time. I’m much more comfortable with my second option, though.”

“Is that so, Lieutenant?,” he gave her a long, teasing look.

“Careful, Rafael. I’m good at bluffing,” Olivia winked. “I think Carisi drew you the first time. Did you see how angry he got at Rollins for having to switch it?” 

“We all got angry at Rollins,” Rafael dismissed her. “But I’m easy to buy for, so it’s an understandable feeling.”

Olivia laughed again as she got dressed in her coat, scarf, gloves and beanie. “What do you mean you’re easy to buy for? Rafael, you’re the most high-maintenance man I’ve ever met."

“Excuse me?,” he gasped, voice dripping with offense. 

“Oh, please,” Olivia rolled her eyes. She grabbed her bag and made her way to the door, waving Rafael along. “You have expensive taste, so don’t expect any of my Detectives to gift you Armani ties or high brand Scotch.” 

“I wouldn’t expect your Detectives to know a good tie or a good Scotch if it jumped at them,” he joked, walking out of Olivia’s office straight into Carisi. 

“Oof, sorry,” Carisi said, holding on to Rafael’s forearm. “Didn’t see you there, Counselor. I was just coming to give you these files, Lieu. The statements you asked for.”

“Ah, thanks, Carisi,” she took the files and walked back into the office.

“So, Counselor,” Carisi started, a twinkle to his eyes Rafael knew too well. “You looking for a new tie and a good Scotch?”

“Surprisingly, Sonny, you are the only one in this office I half-trust to know what to get me,” he said candidly. His dynamics with the junior Detective had changed in the last year. Rafael had built a good friendship with him. “Besides Olivia, of course. So give your colleagues a few notes.”

Carisi beamed. “And how do you know if _ I _ didn’t get your name on that paper, Raf?”

Rafael smirked, tilting his head slightly. “You wouldn’t be able to hide it if you did.” 

Carisi gaped at him, then sighed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Touché.”

Rafael smiled. A friendly, open smile. 

“I also noticed you seemed to handle that little piece of paper gently, almost caressing it.”

“You were watching me?,” he gave Rafael his puppy dog look. The one in which his eyes looked impossibly blue and wide as he looked at Rafael batting his eyelashes, flashing his dimples. 

“Yes. And you wouldn’t have done that if you had drawn Dodds or Fin,” he continued, as unaffected by Carisi’s tricks as he possibly could. “So that leaves it between Rollins and Liv.”

“Barba,” he said warningly, shaking his head urgently as he saw, over Rafael’s shoulder, Olivia coming back out of her office. 

Rafael’s smirk turned into a shark-like smile. Sonny drew Olivia.

“I see,” he nodded. Carisi ran his hand across his face and sighed dramatically. But Rafael soon realized he was giggling. 

“What’s so funny?,” Olivia asked as she approached them, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck. 

“This whole secret santa thing,” Rafael told her, a smirk back on his face. 

“Rafael, will you stop trying to sabotage the game?,” she rolled her eyes. “It’s fun, isn’t it, Carisi?”

“For sure, Lieu,” he nodded, his eyes twinkling. “Could I maybe get a small little Christmas tree for my desk?”

Olivia smiled fondly at him. “Of course.” 

“Thanks,” he smiled back. “Have a good night, Lieu. You too, Counselor.”

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Rafael told him, his tone casual. But they both knew what he was talking about.

“Night, Carisi,” she waved. 

As he walked out of the bullpen and into the elevator with Olivia, Rafael’s cell phone pinged with a new text. He unlocked it to see it was from Carisi. He smiled despite himself and ignored it when Olivia shot him a curious look. 

**Sonny Carisi:** So now you know. That means you have to help me 

**Rafael Barba:** I don’t have to

**Rafael Barba:** But I will

“You and Carisi planning your next dinner together?,” Olivia teased.

**Sonny Carisi:** Thanks

**Sonny Carisi:** Dinner tomorrow? We can brainstorm some ideas

**Sonny Carisi:** Fair warning: all of mine involve something for Noah

**Sonny Carisi:** I’ll cook

“Are you jealous, Liv?,” he looked at her with a pleased expression. She scoffed.

**Rafael Barba:** She wouldn’t hate that. But you can do better

**Rafael Barba:** Mine or yours?

“Not at all. Just wondering how long you’ll keep this up,” Olivia said as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

“Keep what up?,” he frowned at her words, but kept his eyes on his phone as he watched the little grey speech bubble come back up.

**Sonny Carisi:** Yours. I’ll pick up the ingredients on the way

**Rafael Barba:** Deal

He locked his phone and put in his pocket, looking at Olivia. She was watching him with a soft expression. He hated when she did that. It meant she was about to talk about his love life. 

“He likes you,” she told him matter-of-factly. “You obviously like him. You’re both consenting adults. What is the problem here?”

Rafael’s steps came to a halt in the sidewalk. He looked up. It was cloudy. And very cold.

“Do you want me to make you a list, Olivia?,” he shook his head, sighing.

“No,” she snorted at his theatrics. “But why don’t you try to stop avoiding it? Just say ‘fuck it’ for once and see where it goes.”

“You kiss your child goodnight with that mouth?”

“Rafael,” Olivia said, her tone stretching into a warning. 

“Okay, okay,” Rafael threw his hands up. “I’ll try. But only because I’m old, I’m tired, and I’d love to prove you wrong.”

“I’m older than you, so please stop saying that,” she bumped their shoulders together and smiled. “And you know I’m never wrong.”

“You are wrong sometimes,” he pointed out, and he hated how bratty he sounded. Olivia was hardly ever wrong, but when she was, the situation turned into a complete disaster so fast he got whiplash. “Good night, Liv. Try not to worry about my love life too much in my absence.”

“I worry about my friends, Rafa,” Olivia squeezed his shoulder. “Night.”

* * *

 

While she was trying to convince him to take part in the squad’s secret santa, Olivia had told Rafael that the mystery of who drew who would be kept even after the exchange of gifts. 

The squad was going to have dinner at her apartment on the night in question, and all presents would be left under the tree. All presents should be properly wrapped and tagged, and when time came, each person would take the present with their name on it. 

It seemed fair and simple. No unnecessary awkwardness or forced politeness. 

But Rafael was well aware he was dealing with Detectives and, taking into consideration there were only 6 people participating, it wouldn’t be difficult to keep tabs on who brought which package. 

So he decided to make it a little harder for everybody, even himself. Because apparently Rafael liked nothing better than complicating things. 

He was going to get Carisi more than one gift. And he would also get Olivia a present, because they were good friends and she was the host, along with another little gift for Noah. That way, he’d come bearing multiple gifts with multiple tags. Hopefully that would throw them off his scent.  

First things first, Rafael was going to get Carisi a gift card from Brooks Brothers. Not for nothing, but because Carisi had been putting an effort on his wardrobe. He had even asked Rafael about matching shirts and suits. So he thought he’d help him in the right direction. 

No, scratch that. 

He was going to buy Carisi a nice tie and a matching pocket square himself. He had a good eye, he knew what suited his complexion. He paid attention to Carisi, his taste and preferences, and he knew the Detective had a pink undertone to his skin that made blues, purples and reds pop even more. 

Rafael would also get him a card. A silly one, with a stupid joke that would make Carisi double in laughter. 

But inspired by Olivia’s advice, he wanted to get him something else. Something a little more personal, something that hinted at his true feelings. Rafael just wasn’t sure what yet, but he had three weeks to figure it out. 

And while he did, the squad sure kept him entertained. 

Fin kept reminding everybody of the two simple things he wanted. Rollins started hinting she needed new trainers and a portable charger. Olivia joked she needed Detectives who could write reports faster. 

“What about you, Carisi?,” Dodds asked, and Rafael did his best to keep his neutral stance. They were all sitting around the briefing room, and Carisi was sitting right beside him, his chair definitely closer to his than necessary.

Rafael casually flipped through a case file as Carisi waved a dismissive hand. 

“I don’t really need anything,” he shrugged. “Why? Did you draw me, Sergeant?”

Dodds snorted. “Who knows? Maybe.”

“Well, if you’re at a lost, get me a warm scarf to wear on New Year’s Eve and I’ll be golden,” he smiled. 

Great. So now Rafael definitely needed to get him a scarf as well.

“Did you hear that, Carisi’s secret santa?,” Dodds teased, looking at the other Detectives, his gaze also dropping to check Rafael’s reaction. There was none. Dodds narrowed his eyes slightly at him. 

Carisi looked around the room as well. “Yeah, or a nice pair of cufflinks would be good too. You know, like the one Barba wears,” he said, pointing at Rafael’s wrists. “Where do you get them, Counselor?”

“I doubt your secret santa could afford to buy anything Barba wears,” Fin scoffed.

“Yeah?,” Carisi smirked. “Well, not unless Barba drew me.”

Rafael had to be very, very careful about his reaction. He knew Sonny could read him well. Any stutter and he’d know instantly. 

As unaffected as he could, Rafael raised one eyebrow slowly and smirked. He looked from Fin to Carisi without holding any heat, as if considering what was said. Chuckling, he replied, “Even if I did, they’d still be too expensive for a secret santa gift. But I do have a few lower end options if anyone is interested.”

He looked pointedly at the team, reading their body language even though he very much knew none of them had actually drawn Carisi. 

“I’m good,” Rollins raised her hands and snickered. 

“Whatever,” Carisi grunted, leaning back on his chair. “Just get me a box of cannoli and call it a night.”

“Carisi, you have cannoli every other day,” Olivia said with an amused expression. 

“I know, but it’s special,” he said softly, his voice dropping slightly. Rafael had to stop himself from leaning in. “It’s like my comfort food, you know? Me and my nonna used to make it all the time. But since she passed, I haven’t had the guts to open up her recipe book. So I’m trying to compensate with the ones from random pastry shops.”

Rafael blinked. Cannoli? 

How difficult was it to make?

An awkward silence fell around the table. Carisi’s oversharing got Olivia misty eyed and Fin frowning. 

“Well, the ones I tried were pretty good,” Amanda offered, and Dodds hummed in agreement. 

“Right?,” Carisi nodded enthusiastically. “So Sarge, I’m okay with a box of cannoli.”

Dodds gave him an amused look. “I was bluffing.”

Fin snorted. “Yeah, right.”

And that’s how Rafael found himself googling cannoli recipes during his breaks. It didn’t seem too complicated, as far as ingredients and skills went, but every food blogger pointed out that “patience was important in every step” as if they were trying to get to on Rafael’s last nerve. 

He tried to get back into the subject as casually as he could when he met Sonny for dinner a couple days later. 

The Detective was slowly but surely making his way into buying Olivia a very nice Christmas present. Rafael knew Sonny cared, and not because Olivia was his boss, but because he actually liked her and wanted to be kind and considerate to her. 

And did it ever get more Sonny than that? 

“She used to wear this necklace that had the word fearlessness on it, do you remember?,” Sonny asked over his homemade lasagna. 

Rafael was sitting across from him, a glass of wine in one hand, a fork with a full bite on it in the other. He would never get over how amazing of a cook the other man was. 

“I do, actually. But I haven’t seen it in a while.”

Sonny nodded, contently sipping his wine. “Yeah, a couple months ago Rollins asked about it, and the Lieu said she gave it to a victim to comfort her through trial.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Sounds like Liv.” 

“I was thinking about replacing it. I mean, not replacing it, I wouldn’t want to give her the same one. But I thought about getting her a nice pendant with a nice message like that.”

Rafael was, once again, stunned by Sonny’s thoughtfulness and attentiveness. 

“Sonny, that’s very thoughtful,” he said softly, looking at him with a warm expression. “As long as the message is not ‘you’re a horrible boss’ I think she’ll love it.” 

Sonny threw his head back and laughed. “Can you imagine?,” he shook his head, shoulders shaking with laughter.

Rafael watched him for a minute, and then went back to the lasagna. He had already praised it multiple times and gotten the deeper shade of Sonny’s blush as his response. 

They ate in silence for a while, Sonny humming a tune under his breath as if he didn’t know he was doing it. It was incredibly endearing. 

“Sonny,” Rafael called, and the Detective looked up. “I’m sorry about your grandma. I didn’t know.”

Sonny smiled sympathetically. “I didn’t really tell anyone. I’m not the best at dealing with loss.” 

Rafael would definitely be able to guess that. He could see it in the way Sonny so deeply cared about his loved ones, in the way he got so attached to people so quickly. He could see how he’d have a hard time saying goodbye. 

“Well, it’s not easy,” he agreed, nodding. “How long has it been?”

“About three weeks,” Sonny swallowed hard, and without thinking too much of it, Rafael reached over the table to lay his hand on Sonny’s in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “She had been sick for a long time, you know. It wouldn’t be fair to want to stretch that.” 

“At least now she gets to rest,” Rafael told him, his voice just above a whisper as he ran his thumb back and forth over Sonny’s knuckles. “I’m sorry, Sonny. If you ever need to talk about it, I’m all ears.”

Sonny turned his palm up so he could take Rafael’s hand in his. His breathing stuttered for half a second at the movement. 

“I appreciate that,” Sonny replied, smiling softly. 

“And I hope you crack her recipe book open one of these days,” he teased. “I heard something about the best cannoli known to Italian men?”

Sonny chuckled at that. “It is actually very good. But it’s more the memory that counts, you know?” 

“Yeah, I get it,” he nodded, and regretfully pulled his hand back so they could continue eating. 

Rafael was glad Sonny thought it was the sentiment that counted, because he was really not confident in his cannoli making abilities. 

“But I’ll make sure to save you some next time I make it,” Sonny promised him, his eyes back to his plate. 

“Is it too difficult to make?”

“Not really,” he shook his head. “But it does take a little patience.”

Rafael groaned loudly. Sonny laughed. 

“Luckily you have the patience of a saint,” Rafael teased, rolling his eyes. 

Sonny waved a dismissive hand. “Only when it comes to delicate pastries.”

“And victims, and Rollins’ bullshit, and my theatrics,” Rafael added. “And your sisters’ dramas, and your nieces, and your cousins, and -”

“Okay, okay,” Sonny interrupted, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “I get it. Thank you.”

Sonny smiled and they continued eating in silence. Rafael couldn’t help but steal glances at him. 

Meeting Sonny after work was one of his favorite forms of downtime. He had come to like it more than being alone at Forlini’s. Sonny’s company was comforting, and their back and forth always felt refreshing. 

They were very familiar with each other now, and it was comforting being in his presence. Rafael hadn’t felt alone in the time they had become closer coworkers and eventually friends. 

Their dinners together had started after a particularly tough case that forced them both out of the closet. 

Well, not forced, but Rafael felt like he was going to combust if he didn’t tell someone exactly how he felt about the Catholic Church blackmailing a gay priest. Sonny was right there when they confronted the monsignor, and Rafael couldn’t hold back his rant when the disgraceful man left his office. 

He let it all out. And Sonny was right there, a comforting hand on his shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face and a “me too” on his lips. 

They had dinner together for the first time that night. Sonny cooked a mean carbonara, and they sat and shared their struggles, their take on the case and the church, and Carisi opened up his heart about how his own priest had helped him come to terms with his sexuality. 

After said revelations, Rafael’s attraction towards the younger Detective all but tripled. He had always found him handsome, but knowing Sonny was attracted to men opened up a door to his own rushing thoughts. 

Rafael couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment a simple attraction turned into actual feelings, but he knew it did when Sonny went undercover and Rafael couldn’t sleep. He felt like there was a block of concrete sitting on his chest the whole time. His shoulders were tight, and he had a permanent frown on his face. 

Olivia complained he was being moodier than normal, but then Sonny came back mostly unscathed and Rafael could breathe again. 

He hated himself for a while. Sonny was ten years younger than him, he had a promising career unfolding in front of him. He was optimistic, patient, kind. He was too good. 

But then again, not feeling the way he did just wouldn’t make sense. Because they fit well together. Sonny eased Rafael, Rafael riled Sonny up. It was a good, comfortable balance. 

“Hey,” he was shaken out of his thoughts by Sonny’s soft voice. “Come back.”

“Sorry,” Rafael shook his head, blinking quickly.

“Where did you go?,” Sonny snorted. “You’ve been staring at me for solid three minutes.”

“I was thinking about the first time you invited me over for dinner. After the church case,” he said with a thoughtful expression, leaning back into his chair. 

Sonny tilted his head, assessing him. “What brought that on?”

Rafael shrugged. “I guess I’m being sentimental.”

The Detective smiled softly. “That calls for a refill,” he pointed at Rafael’s almost empty glass. “And some cannoli.”

He laughed. “You and your goddamned cannoli. I’m going to stop coming around if you keep feeding me like this. I’m sure I’ve gained a couple pounds tonight.”

Sonny rolled his eyes at his drama and stood up, grabbing Rafael’s glass. “You have nothing to worry about, Raf. You look great.” 

Rafael hated the little flip his stomach did at the earnest look in Sonny’s eyes as he complimented him. “You’d say that if I sat here wearing a potato sac with my mouth full of Italian food.

“Damn right,” Sonny said, walking into the kitchen. Rafael could still see him over the island that separated the two spaces. “You always look great in my eyes. So shut up and finish your lasagna so we can move on to dessert.” 

“Feeling rowdy, are we, Detective?,” he teased with a smirk as Sonny rounded the kitchen island back into the dining room with Rafael’s glass full in one hand and a box of cannoli in the other. 

“You know it,” Sonny winked, a mischievous look in his eyes. 

Rafael took a long sip of the wine as Sonny sat across from him again, beaming. The man was gorgeous, Rafael was weak, and he hoped the night didn’t end any time soon.

* * *

It was a couple days later that Rafael got a new text from Carisi with nothing but a picture attached to the message. He was happy to take the distraction from his boring Saturday afternoon, sitting in his recliner going over files for court early on Monday morning.

The image showed a necklace, and Rafael zoomed in a little to evaluate it. The chain was thin, classic silver, and it held a round pendant the size of a quarter. In the middle, it had the word “hope” engraved in clean, sharp lines. It was very Olivia Benson. 

Before he could ever think to type a reply, Sonny called him. 

“Hey,” he greeted. 

“Did you get the picture?,” Carisi immediately asked. “It’s really good quality. It looks very delicate, but it’s actually stainless steel. They have an option in foiled gold too, but it doesn’t look as nice. And I remember the one she had was silver.”

“No, go for the silver. Low-maintenance, durable, classic.”

He heard Sonny snort. “Just like the Lieu.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that, Carisi, for the love of God,” Rafael said, half-joking. 

“I wouldn’t,” Sonny laughed. “Hey, I was wondering. I noticed you haven’t dropped any hints about what you want from your secret santa.”

Rafael hadn’t even thought about that. He had been so focused on getting Sonny’s gifts, making sure he wasn’t being too suspicious about who he drew, and helping Sonny get Olivia’s gift, that he hadn’t said anything to the squad about what he might like.

“And in case you actually want a tie and a bottle of scotch,” Sony continued. “Would you like me to try and help them, whoever they are?” 

The truth was that Rafael didn’t need a tie, and he was well stocked when it came to his favorite scotch. The one Christmas gift he would love to receive was the person talking to him on the phone. And wasn’t that a sappy notion? 

“Has anybody asked you?,” Rafael asked, suspicious. Maybe someone put Sonny up to this. 

“No, which is weird,” Sonny replied with a conspiracy tone to his voice. “Makes me think that whoever they are -”

“They don’t need help,” Rafael finished for him and laughed. “It’s Olivia.” 

“Oh my god,” Sonny laughed along. “Do you think so?”

“I’m sure anyone else would have asked by now.”

“Well, then I guess I don’t need to help anyone,” he chuckled. “You’re in good hands, Raf.”

“Indeed,” he nodded. “It’s funny because I drew her on the first round.”

“Ah,” Sonny hesitated. “I drew you.”

Rafael smiled despite himself, and he was glad Sonny couldn’t see him. “I figured. You looked about to empty your gun on Rollins when she made everyone switch.”

“What? Like I wouldn’t be happy to draw anyone else?”

“We both know you wouldn’t,” he said matter-of-factly, with no hesitation. There was a pause. 

“Yeah,” Sonny breathed. “I’m glad I got the Lieu this time, though. But I really feel like I should get Noah something too. Lieu mentioned he’s growing out of his shirts too fast. I could him get a couple.”

Rafael chose to go along with the slight change of focus. “I got him a stuffed dragon.”

“Ah man, that’s way cooler,” Sonny whined.   


“Liv would appreciate the thought, though. And  _ she _ is your secret santa.”

“You’re right,” he sighed. “Have you gotten all your gifts wrapped?”

Rafael looked at the little pile under his coffee table with a soft smile. “Most of them,” he replied. 

On the gifts from him, he had signed the tag with his right hand in black ink, while the ones for the secret santa he wrote Sonny’s name with his left hand in blue ink. Rafael was nothing if not thorough.

Sonny made a surprised noise. “How many did you get?”

“Enough, I hope.”

“Damn. I hope my secret santa is as generous,” he whistled appreciatively. “Are we exchanging gifts this year?”

Rafael paused, considering the question. “Do you want to?”

“Well, I kind of already got you something,” Sonny said with a giggle.

“Sonny…,” he started warningly, shaking his head. 

“It’s fine! You don’t have to get me something just because I did,” Sonny assured him urgently, but it was too late.

Rafael sighed. “I already got you something, too,” and wasn’t that an understatement.

“And you weren’t gonna tell me?,” Sonny complained. “That would just make me look bad!”

“I knew you were going to get me something,” no, he didn't. But he honestly should have guessed. He knew Sonny better than that. “You were fishing when you asked about my cufflinks, weren’t you?”

“Maybe. But I didn’t get you cufflinks, though.”

He chuckled. “Too expensive?”

“Too impersonal.”

Rafael felt something inside his chest clench and he almost curled his shoulders into himself at the force of it. 

“Well, I’m going to have to return the cufflinks I got you now,” he teased, and Sonny laughed. 

“I’m not fancy enough to wear cufflinks as nice as yours,” Sonny joked back. 

“You’d be surprised. You’ve improved a lot,” Rafael said genuinely. “I’d even take some credit for it, but you still wear some pretty questionable ties.”

Sonny laughed. “Take all the credit, Raf. And as your Christmas present to me, be my stylist for a day.” 

Rafael knew he was only half-joking, but he would honestly love nothing more than to spend a day telling Sonny what clothes to buy and what to wear. But the better Sonny dressed, the weaker Rafael became. So it was torture to keep his eyes from wandering and to keep his hands to himself, but he could manage if it came with the prize of seeing Sonny smile.

God, someone needed to take him out. 

“If that’s what you really want, I’m all yours,” Rafael replied, his voice firm and even. 

“Really?,” Sonny sounded genuinely surprised. “Well, I was fishing, I never thought you’d go for it, but yeah! That would be really great.”

“Great,” Rafael smiled. “Dinner tonight? We could go over the details of your fashion adventures. You don’t have to cook. We can order some Thai.”

“Sounds good. You wanna come over to mine?,” he asked enthusiastically. 

“Sure. I’ll bring the wine.”

* * *

Sooner than he expected, it was the day before the night they were supposed to exchange their gifts. It was a saturday, and Rafael made sure he didn’t have any work pending so he could have the whole day free to make Sonny cannoli.

He wanted to have enough time in case he messed it up and needed to start it all over again, so he woke up early, put some relaxing music on, and went into the kitchen in sweatpants and a well-worn shirt that he wouldn’t be mad about staining. 

Rafael placed his computer on the kitchen counter with the recipe he selected - one that didn’t set his teeth on edge by the way the blogger asked for patience constantly - and got to work. 

He had bought enough ingredients to make at least three batches because, honestly, he couldn’t afford to mess this up. Mixing the ingredients for the shell and the filling was incredibly easy and, in half an hour, Rafael had the dough ready to be rolled out., and that’s where the hardship really was.

Rafael was a smart man. He stared down rapists and murderers for a living. He argued and fought for the most heart wrenching cases. But he could not, for the life of him, get the damned cannoli dough to roll out evenly. 

When he thought he was getting somewhere, the dough would break and stick to the rolling pin and he’d have to start over. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, and getting it dirty with flour, Rafael took a deep breath and went back to review the recipe. He let out a frustrated breath when he realized he was supposed to let the dough refrigerate for one hour before rolling it. 

He checked the clock. He had plenty of time, thankfully. 

So he carefully rolled the dough back into a ball, wrapped it in plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator, hoping for the best.

Rafael took the time to tidy up the kitchen, the filling ready and set aside for later. He washed all the dough out of his hands, cleaned the kitchen counter, washed away what he wouldn’t need anymore, and changed into a shirt that wasn’t dusty with flour. 

He still had thirty five minutes on the clock by the time he was done, and he rolled his eyes. Making pastries was incredibly boring. How could Carisi do this as a hobby?

Rafael set an alarm on his phone and went into the living room with a cup of coffee to watch the news as he waited. When it finally rang, he had definitely forgotten about it and almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden, loud ring.

But thankfully, when he tried to roll out the dough after that one endless hour, he managed with minor struggle. 

Even though Rafael hated them for it, the bloggers were right when they asked for patience. The whole process was slow, and the shells were very delicate. He burned two before he figured out how much time they needed to be in the oil for. The third one came out a little more brown than he intended, but it still looked edible.

By the fourth, he caught the hang of it. 

Frying the shells was a long, boring process. But filling them was even worse. The piping bag was so goddamn sensitive he accidentally overflowed the first two he tried to fill. 

But with his tongue between his teeth, very little pressure on the bags and his eyes squinting, Rafael managed to fill ten cannoli perfectly. He smiled at the results as he straightened his back, but then winced at the sting of being hunched over for too long.

He managed to fit eight of the cannoli in the gift box he bought. It was dark blue with silver, glittery stars all over the lid. Carefully, Rafael set the box in a red gift bag, and sealed it shut with a silver bow. He hung a black tag on the handle that read “To Sonny, from your secret santa” in a handwriting that looked far from his own.

Of course, Rafael took a bite from the leftover pastry and let out an appreciate hum without even noticing. He was honestly impressed with himself. Maybe the shell was a little thicker than it was supposed to be, but it still tasted pretty good. He just hoped Sonny would like it.

When he walked into the shower, he found out he had managed to get flour on his nose, his cheek and his hair. He rolled his eyes at his reflection, and quickly undressed to wash himself thoroughly in the shower. He already had his outfit planned for the dinner party and flour was not part of the look he was going for.

Still, he couldn’t help the feeling of giddiness he felt in anticipation. 

He had just gotten out of the shower when his phone started ringing, so he ran from the bathroom to the living room with nothing but a towel around his waist. He felt a familiar flutter in his stomach when he saw Sonny’s name blinking on the screen. 

“Hey,” he greeted. 

“Hi, Raf. Do you want a ride to Olivia’s later?,” he asked, as enthusiastic as ever.

And his offer made perfect sense. To go from his apartment to Olivia’s, Sonny had to drive right around the corner from Rafael’s apartment building. But he couldn’t. It’d give Sonny too much time to see the packages he was taking. There would be no distractions if it was just the two of them in a car. 

So he’d have to say no. But saying no would be suspicious, so he hoped the first excuse that popped into his head would be enough. 

“I’m not home, actually,” he said, as casual as he could. “I’m at my mother’s. I’m going straight from here.”

Sonny knew his mother lived in the Bronx, and it was the complete opposite direction he had to go to get to Olivia’s place.

“Oh, okay,”  Sonny replied, sounding disappointed. “Well, I’ll see you there, then.”

“Yeah. See you later, Sonny.”

Rafael hung up and let out a sigh. He hated that he had to lie to Sonny, but the surprise would eventually pay off.

* * *

 

Rafael could hear Christmas music coming from Olivia’s apartment as he approached her door. There was a big wreath hanging from it and he smiled despite himself. He found himself getting excited because he really wanted to see Sonny’s reaction to all his gifts. 

So he raised his free hand - because the other one was doing its work holding many, many bags - and knocked on the door. 

To his surprise, Dodds opened it.

“Counselor,” he smiled. “Merry Christmas. Come on in. Liv is trying to keep Noah away from the Christmas tree. It’s been incredibly entertaining.”

“Oh, I’m right on time, then,” he snorted. 

He walked inside the apartment to find Christmas lights everywhere and Mariah Carey playing softly from the speakers. Rollins was sitting on the couch with Jesse on her lap, Fin right beside her. Olivia was in the kitchen with Sonny, who had Noah sitting on his shoulders. 

Rafael greeted the Detectives in the living room and took Sonny’s distraction to set all the gifts under the tree. He could feel Rollins’ eyes on him, but he ignored it in order to place his bags and boxes amongst the ones that were there already. 

To his surprise, there were a lot of gifts around, and he caught sight of a handful with his name on it. Most of them had Olivia’s name, and he smiled. 

“It seems like everyone drew Olivia from the looks of it,” he joked as he stepped away from the tree, his hands now free. Only then did he remove his scarf and coat.

“Yeah, I think that was her plan all along,” Fin teased, loud enough for Olivia to hear. “She’s our boss, so of course everyone’s gonna get her gifts.”

“Especially since she’s hosting,” Amanda added. 

“It’s not my fault you all want to suck up to me so badly,” Olivia bit back, coming out of the kitchen with snacks for Noah and Jesse. Sonny was right behind her. 

“Hey, Raf,” he greeted with a big smile. 

“Hi,” he smiled back. 

“Hi, Uncle Rafa!,” Noah squealed as Sonny passed him to Olivia. “Merry Christmas! Did you bring me a present?”

Rafael laughed as Olivia tried to contain her son. “Merry Christmas, Noah. And of course I did.”

“Mommy, can I open it?,” Noah begged. 

“Later, sweet boy,” Olivia soothed him. “Rafa, there’s some scotch in the kitchen. You’re welcome to drink the whole thing.”

“Don’t challenge me, Liv,” he said with a smirk as he made his way into the kitchen. 

He had just reached for a tumbler when Sonny came in. 

“It seems like the squad wanted to fall into your good graces, too,” he said, and there was a mischievous twinkle to his eyes. “There’s quite a handful of gifts with your name on it.”

“Oh, you mean they’re not all from you?,” Rafael teased and laughed when Sonny ducked his head, looking sheepish. 

“Only a couple,” he shrugged. “Dodds asked me what brand of scotch you liked last week, so.” 

Rafael was surprised. “Dodds got me a gift?”

“I mean,” Sonny came closer, and he whispered as if he was telling Rafael a dirty secret. “Chief Dodds came into the squadroom and told us that we should all get you something. Said he always sent the DA a good Whiskey. Something about playing politics. He may have spooked the Sarge.”

Rafael couldn’t help but laugh. “That sounds like Chief Dodds alright. Well, works out great for me.”

He served himself some Scotch as Sonny opened up a beer. “I’m curious to see who you drew,” Sonny said offhandedly as they joined the rest of the group. Rafael swallowed hard.

“Okay, my plan was that we’d wait until after dinner, but someone,” Olivia paused, looking pointedly at Noah. “Is about to have a meltdown, so let’s just start now. We can go down in alphabetical order. So Amanda, go ahead and grab the gifts with your name.” 

After Rollins, it was Sonny’s turn, and Rafael’s heart started beating loudly in his chest.

“You should be the last one, Carisi,” Fin teased him. “You’re always saying you want us to call you Sonny, but  _ now  _ you’re taking advantage of your actual name,  _ Dominick _ .” 

“Do I need to explain to you the difference between a name and a nickname,  _ Odafin _ ?”, he joked back and got a booming laugh from Olivia and Rafael. Fin flipped him off. 

Rafael hoped the few theater classes he attended would somehow pay off as Sonny sat back down next to him with his arms full of presents. But he failed and smiled softly at the look on Sonny’s face as he started opening them. He looked just as excited as Noah.

He watched expectantly as Sonny went straight to his secret santa gifts. He opened the scarf first, and beamed. He looped it around his neck, and smoothed it nicely. Rafael was happy with his choice. It was a burnt red shade, and the fabric was the softest cashmere. It looked great on him. 

Next he opened the tie and the matching pocket square. They were both sky blue, and Rafael was sure it would compliment his eyes beautifully.

But just as Sonny was undoing the bow on the red bag, Olivia called his name. “Rafael, you’re the last one.”

He blinked, looking around. The living room was a mess of wrapping paper and boxes, and Noah and Jesse were sitting on the floor with toys and clothes around them. The Christmas tree had only the gifts for him now. And it was, indeed, quite a handful. 

Hating that he would miss Sonny’s reaction to the cannoli, he stood up to retrieve all the packages. When he turned back to sit down again, he almost dropped everything at the look on Sonny’s face. 

He looked… amazed. In awe. And Rafael hated what that did to his heart. 

Sonny reached inside the box on cannoli and took one, biting into it with no hesitation. His eyes widened comically, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. He looked up then, and his eyes immediately found Rafael’s. 

“Rafael,” he called after he swallowed. “A word?”

He knew. Sonny knew those were from him. There was no doubt about it as he closed the box carefully and set it back inside the bag. He went down the hall, stopping right outside Noah’s room. 

Rafael gulped and followed him, leaving his gifts by the chair he was previously sitting on.

“You made those yourself, didn’t you?,” he asked with no preamble. 

Rafael winced. “Is it really that bad? I tried one, it tasted acceptable.” There was no point in denying it now. And honestly, he was more than happy to take credit for it. Whether Sonny had liked it or not, he went through the trouble for a reason, and he hoped that was clear.

Sonny beamed as he shook his head. “No, it’s the shell. It’s different when it’s homemade. Pastry shops put the dough through a pasta machine to make it faster, but not a lot of people have that kind of equipment laying around. Rolling it by hand is always better, anyway. That’s how my nonna and I used to make it.”

Rafael nodded, smiling softly. “How did you know it was me?”

“I started suspecting it when you wouldn’t talk to me about who you drew. And then you mentioned you bought multiple gifts, which you really didn’t have to, by the way, and I wasn’t sure you would do that for Dodds, Fin, or Rollins.”

“I wouldn’t,” he confirmed.

Sonny snorted. “So I just had to pay attention to which bags you brought. Also, a tie and a pocket square? Come on, Rafael. No one but you would get me that.”

“Aren’t you a good Detective?,” he laughed. “By the way, making pastries is extremely boring.”

Sonny laughed along. “I know. That’s why I liked to make it with my nonna. We kept each other entertained. All you need is good company.”

“I wonder where I could find someone interested in making pastries,” Rafael teased, feigning curiosity.

“Next time we meet for dinner, we could make it,” Sonny took a step closer. “And instead of it being one of our regular dinners, it could be a date.” 

There it was. Rafael’s Christmas miracle. Sonny bit the bullet for them, and he was grateful. 

Secretly, he was hoping his gifts would have shown Sonny how he really felt. Deep down, he wanted it to be clear who those presents were from. It stopped being just a game the moment he saw Sonny’s name on that paper. It become an opportunity to prove, to both of them, just how much they meant to each other.

So Rafael took the opening Sonny gave him.

With a smile, he took a step forward. He kept his eyes locked with the Detective’s as he leaned in, until he couldn’t help but close the distance. And he was glad he did, because the feeling of Sonny’s lips on his was better than opening Christmas presents. 

Sonny’s hands on his waist, pulling him closer, felt nicer than a warm sweater. His tongue touching Rafael’s was sweeter than any Christmas cookie. 

He breathed in deeply, burying his hand into Sonny’s hair. He drinked Sonny’s appreciative groan and gave him one of his own. 

It was intoxicating, and he never wanted to let go. Especially when he felt Sonny’s hand on his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb. He slowed the kiss down then, and it went from slightly desperate to languid and deep. 

Sonny’s lips were incredibly soft, it made Rafael want to bite into it. So he did. And the noise Sonny made was better than any Christmas carol. 

“I knew you would be the best kisser,” Sonny whispered, his lids heavy, his eyes glassy. 

“Thought about it a lot, Detective?,” Rafael purred. 

“Every damn day,” he said candidly, and he devoured Rafael’s mouth as he went in for another kiss. 

Much like in everything else he did, Sonny was a very passionate kisser, so Rafael wasn’t surprised to find himself pushed into a wall, Sonny pressed flush against him. But this was still Olivia’s apartment, and there were children down the hall, so even though his whole body was screaming for more, he pulled away and put a hand on Sonny’s chest. 

He smiled at the feeling of the other man’s heart hammering underneath his palm. 

“We have other gifts to open,” Rafael said, and he was surprised at how out of breath he sounded. 

“I’m fine right here,” Sonny replied, his eyes never leaving Rafael’s lips. 

Rafael chuckled. “So am I. But we’re not alone. So here’s an idea: we can go ahead and open the rest of our gifts, have dinner, and then you can drive us both to your place.”

Sonny’s smile was wicked. “Yeah? You have another present for me to unwrap?”

“God, you’re so corny,” Rafael laughed and pushed him away.

“Hey,” Sonny said, and he stepped back a little to look into Rafael’s eyes. “Thank you for the gifts. I can’t believe you made me cannoli. It means a lot.”

“You’re very welcome,” Rafael smiled, pecked him on the lips, and lead him back into the living room by the hand.

Olivia was the first one to notice them. Her eyes went from their hands to their faces and she smiled, big and knowing. 

When they sat back down, Sonny pulled his chair closer to Rafael and went back to opening the rest of his gifts. Rafael watched him for a while, not discreetly at all. He couldn’t help but think that of all the Christmases he remembered, he had never gotten a present better than Sonny Carisi. 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, there you go. Sappy af, I know, but that's my bread and butter hehe follow me on twitter if you'd like to know what I'm working on next: @pastelpinktv
> 
> And special thanks to mforpaul (Linde) for convicing me to actually work on this and for helping me with ideas for gifts. Much appreciated!
> 
> Please, make a writer happy and leave some comments and kudos!!!


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